he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
