just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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