so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
