Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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