I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
