I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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