so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
