I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
