at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
