Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
don't judge my taste in strippers
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