This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize