my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
