one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
