I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
