u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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