You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize