i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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