Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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