Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
