There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
