dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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