Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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