We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
