Where are you?
In a non slutty way
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
