The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
