either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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