butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
