I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
