Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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