just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
