Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
