I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
