I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
