he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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