Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
