He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
