My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
