so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
