So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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