He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
