You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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