pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he shaved USA in his pubs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I want is dick and wine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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