I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
