Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
