My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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