Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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