in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize