We won't sleep together?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this just has baby written all over it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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