i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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