I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
