you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
