I want to have your abortion
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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