if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
