I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
