Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
