I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
