You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
handjob tips. give me some.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
50% drunk capacity currently
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
