I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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