I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
