I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize