We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
