I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
