I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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