If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
