all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dicks are not precious.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
