dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize