Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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