Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
