it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
