If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
