I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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