I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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