I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
