That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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