Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
