You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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