the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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