craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
