First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
