I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
