I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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