So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
