When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
