This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
