Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
