walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
