I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize