Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
