grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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