Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
