well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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