Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize